I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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