Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
