we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
