I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
