take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize
