There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
