I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
