forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
