Do you still have your period?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
