I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
