the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
