you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Floor bacon is actually really good
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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