we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We are two peas in an std pod
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This is my gift to your gina
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
