Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize