dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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