Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
