she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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