no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
