I could make wine with my vomit
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
