i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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