my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
