My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
