if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he fucked my hip out of place.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
