They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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