i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
