we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
