If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
