You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
