I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
