BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
