I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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