So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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