Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Two words: nipple clamps
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