He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
