Cold hands, warm shart.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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