he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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