i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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