it wasn't lemon gatorade
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
where am i from again
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
