The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
