but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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