You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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