i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
