he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
