I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
