your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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