god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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