I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
