I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
