alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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