What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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