would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
