What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
