Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
be right there i have to get my cape
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
